Romans 9.15-18

Romans 9.15-18[ESV]

15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”

16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.

17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”

18 So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!

Philippians 4.4-7
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Past few weeks have been problematic, filled with conflicts and all. Thank God though that yesterday was slightly better, though a person close to me had to suffer initially. God has opened the way and filled me with joy from last night when I’ve poured my heart out to God till this morning-afternoon, when my Godma spoke to me.

Speaking to her had me realise something incessantly important that I did not notice myself, this something was a continuation (unknown to me at that time) of what I prayed about last night.

Now, anyone (close enough) who knows my history knows that Sharene fell away like the Prodigal son when she was younger. There was this time when I had a relationship with a guy from church called KaiHeng, and considering that I’ve not been burned before- the conclusion of the situation burned me badly, figuratively. It was only in the aftermath when I was just weeping and clinging to God that I truly understood God held me when I was nearly broken, His presence truly felt and appreciated; He became a Rock on whom I can fall back on.

Fast-forward to today, my Godma was speaking to me in an example of a comparison when I was younger- how I’d get As and for the Mandarin Spelling (that I’d have learnt only that morning) I’d get full marks, and a few years later I have a total disregard for studying.

I was digging and throwing away old unneeded odds and ends, that I remembered why I started on the decline- I enjoyed studying, but I did not truly understand what was taught later on in the years. Since no one asked, since no one cared, why should I care? Studying was no longer enjoyable, besides life was meaningless- what’s the point of putting effort in?

Bearing that last paragraph in mind, I explained to my Godma- “I find that I cannot focus on the mountain(that I might be climbing). I find that my eyes has to always be on God, or else the fear will overwhelm me and the uselessness of what I’m doing will overtake me. This God who held me, is making Himself known to me even as I walk the valley and climb the mountains- if I focus for one minute on the mountain, I’d fall. My motivation in the past was the enjoyment of studying just for that itself, now I enjoy studying because it shows me the greatness of God- I’m enjoying God through my studies!”

I cannot truly exemplify it but all I can say is that like Peter, who asked Jesus to call to him during the storm, I fall away when my eyes are not on Him. I can only say this: “A life is only truly meaningful if it is a life of walking and communing with God.”

Oh, if only I can give myself to abandon to dance for joy in the courts of God for just one day; one day is enough! It will be more than satisfying for my soul, all just to gaze upon the beauty of my Lord. For my Lord, I will bear this cross and give thanks that His mercies are new everyday. Even till my final breath I will say:  “Through good times and bad, though sin may raise it’s head, His love endures forever! His faithfulness will never fail even when situations and fears overtake our minds! His mercy and grace be for us when we fall, this truly is love that spans wider than the ocean!“

Romans8.35
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?”

Philippians 1.21-24
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”